he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
