Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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