Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Randomize
