yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
what the fuck happened to the tacos
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
