I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Randomize
