after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
