Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
