1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
