My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
