Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize
