Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
