two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I am naked and annoyed.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
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