i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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