11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
