I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
