the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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