Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
