Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
