the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
