i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
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