My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
That's when you crack a 10am beer
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
