We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
