i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I wish i was in the wii world.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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