my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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