We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
