You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
