just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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