Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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