return my video game
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
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