I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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