quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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