he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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