Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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