I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
