I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize
