The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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