Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
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