the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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