??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
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