he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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