i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
