Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
