This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
