How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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