she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
