Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Randomize
