Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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