so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
