i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
