His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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