I CAN MOONWALK!
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
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